No Boundaries, No Limits, No Laws

Posted by on Mar 6, 2012 in Chris' Blog | 4 comments
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One mile left in the tank. My debit card rejected by the bank. My girlfriend and I were going to play divine melodies at Odyssey house. She was worried about running out of gas and I assured her that God would work a miracle. With the gas tank on empty a strange force came over me I have felt before. I made a wrong turn, then jumped the meridian. There was a red light and two cars ahead of me. I floored the gas pedal and squeezed through the two cars, pushing them out of the way. I felt like God. My girl friend’s cries brought me back to reality. I pulled to the side of the road and began to weep. I thought I was the Anti Christ and everyone would turn against me and hate me. I was afraid I had hurt innocent people in my little escapade. Praise God no one was hurt but I don’t deserve to drive again for a long time; I don’t know what came over me or why I did it. I just know it was evil and reckless. I need time to repent and reflect so that nothing like this ever happens to me again. If I go to jail, I will share the truth of the gospel with everyone, the inmates and the guards.

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  1. Hi Chris, This is Helena and I just looked at your blog. How wonderful that you have parked yourself into God’s corner! That is the safest place in the world to park as you know…and I think that it is just so awesome that you have your faith after all and in spite of all of your spiritual and mostly I think bodily challenges. I am sorry for the car issue, and think it so admirable that you keep the faith no matter what…I happen to have much family and clinical experience similar to yours…and was hoping that maybe we could share the experiences, the strength, the hopes and fears, and strategies we could use to help other people also afflicted by these types of issues. Would that be OK with you?

    • I was bitten by a speidr last September. At first it just hurt and burned and itched for about an hour. Two weeks later that leg goes numb along with the foot in an instant. A year later and the big toe is still not right. I went through the normal routine of testing2005 for lymes, and all co-infections. All neg. even though the symptoms were all there: shortness of breath, facial tingling/numbness, electrical shock like pain that comes and goes, unbelievable fatigue, flu symptoms for months, memory loss, extreme emotional up and down, weakness in legs, heart palpitations, knee pain that now is every day. I have been on IV Rocephin for 5 months and recently felt good enough to quit the IV and do some oral as a step down. Bad idea. Within 2 days feeling miserable. Fatigue, joint pain, night chills, emotional wreck again, knee pain constantly. Anyone out there with these things after speidr bite? I assumed it was lymes but am now considering retesting with spinal tap and blood work to see what appears. Feeling very depressed and let down. Wish I could have my life back. someone please help me.

    • Hi,My name is Perry Fields. I had Chronic Lyme disease and have fully recoevred from it. I’m also a professional athlete (in an Olympic sport) who basically lost my career because of Lyme (and a good part of my 20’s) and am now returning to my sport with much success.I had friend sent me a link to your site. I wanted to know how I can help you and your members and audience.I’m really here to offer some inspiration for those affected with Lyme because I know it’s so devastating emotionally and physically.If people suspect they have been bitten, they need to get help ASAP. If they don’t feel sick after camping in the woods or gardening or doing anything outside, the need to get treatment ASAP or it becomes very had to get rid of.Regards,Perry Fields US Track and Field

    • Helena, I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I didn’t check my blog for a long time because I didn’t think anyone was interested. But they definitely are, and I believe with a little help, I COULD help people who are struggling with mental illness. For me Helena, it is kind of like a catch 22. Sometimes it seems like my Christian faith is the only thing that has truly gotten me through all the tough mental “break-downs” in my life, but on the other hand, it also appears to be true that Christianity, and especially my apocalyptic viewpoint has CAUSED most of the mental anguish I have gone through. My mind was so out of control and filled with darkness due to my obsession with hell, that it seemed to be a self fulfilling prophecy. I have adopted a much simpler faith in the past few years. If I don’t understand something, or if something doesn’t mesh well with my understanding of “goodness” or “love”, I choose to err on the side of God’s love and mercy then on the side of God’s judgment and wrath. Anyway, I understand that mental illness takes on many forms. Mine happened to be a spiritual one.
      For a very long time, I have adopted the view point that I must have undergone all this mental trauma for a reason. There has to be something positive that can come out of this. The first thing to do is break the habit cycle. Start staying up late night after night, reading and obsessing over religious or spiritual material on the internet, mostly end of days sorts of web pages. Also, starting to write prolifically, sometimes writing 15 to 20 pages on a religious topic in one sitting. A couple days go by, and I start to feel like sleep is unnecessary. Even though I have been taking the medications regularly up to this point, I make a little deal with myself and say, “Hey, I haven’t slept in 2 days. These medications aren’t working anyways. Why should I keep taking them anyways? Lets just quit taking the meds because they are pointless and a waste of time and energy. Then the third day goes by with no sleep. Then the ideas in the paper I wrote, or the things I’ve been reading get posted on facebook, or I start sharing them with tons of people, often people I just meet. This is how it always starts. Soon enough I am out of control, and have lost all perception of what “normal” social interaction is. My friends see it. My family sees it. My mental health networks sees it. Everyone but me, who says, “It will be different this time. I will not let it get out of control. I’ve got a handle on things.” And I would get irate with people who didn’t want to do things my way. I would feel like these doctors were wasting their time, and treating me like a guinea pig who just wants to be free and do his own thing. Helena, there is so much that I’ve gone through. So many times in and out of the hospital. I don’t want to speak too soon, but things might be looking up for a while. It’s been a full year since my last manic episode. I am regularly taking meds and not resisting to treatment in any way. Also, I have gone a full year without going off my meds for more than a day. If I did miss a day of meds, I would be certain to get my meds the next night. I have finally begun to be responsible for my mental health, and I no longer depend on others to do everything for me. I have a job now and am married. I teach piano lessons. Life is going much better than the last 12 years, during which time I was in and out of hospitals over 2 dozen times. Yes, life is looking up. I’d love to work with you to help mentally ill people in any way I can. I’m up for ideas. Call me anytime at 530-575-7650, or you can email me at cmoyer_musician@yahoo.com. The best thing to do would be to respond to me on this site, because it would be good for other people who struggle with mental illness to read this. Best regards, Christopher

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