Chris’s Blog- Feb. 27, 2014

Posted by on Mar 6, 2014 in Chris' Blog | 1 comment
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It’s been awhile since my last blog entry. Much has happened since then. I’m happy to see my dad’s books have both been published, and I wish him all the best in his bookselling adventures. I know he has a conference coming up where he is the only social worker speaking amongst a large group of doctors- sounds intimidating, but I’m sure Dad is up for the challenge. In my personal life there have been some frustrating events. I have had 2 episodes, both within the course of the past 8 months, and while these episodes occurred, I was taking the prescribed doses of medication, which makes it even more frustrating. So I was working hard at my job, working hard at staying healthy mentally, and the damn mania still gets me. It is just so sneaky- I never see it coming, because it comes disguised in so many ways.
So, here I am “firing “ my boss, “healing” people, trying to usher them into God’s presence with or without their permission, making you tube videos on the nature of the universe, thinking I am God. (Fortunately I deleted them all.)
I am so angry at myself, and I am so angry at the system because it obviously doesn’t work. Meds, like I suspected for so long, are NOT the answer, because if they were, these two episodes over the course of several months would never have happened. So where do I go from here? Well, all I can pretty much do is hope. Hope in what? I don’t know. Hope in God? We know where that road goes. Hope in meds? Same deal. Maybe I just have one gigantic character defect that can never be fixed. Lack of boundaries, invasion of personal space, both physical, emotional, and spiritual, complete lack of true stable character and identity. I’m just a bundle of a mess. With that I end this. Hope to have better things to say next time.

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1 Comment

  1. Hi Chris,
    Sorry to hear of your struggle, but I can tell you it gets better; at least for me it did. While I’ve only had 1 major psychotic episode, my brother has had many. He chose to go the conventional medicine route. I, on the other hand, was determined to battle this syndrome using the most natural means available. At first I was on meds, off and on for 4 years I was fairly compliant, but that wasn’t working for me. I prayed and prayed. Then almost coincidentally I came across an article about neurofeedback. I figured it was worth a shot and within 2 months I became allergic to my medication (Lamictal). I had previously weaned myself off of Abilify, Klonopin, Buspar & Zoloft. I kept up with neurofeedback, doing it for almost 2 years with no manic symptoms. The depression symptoms came back slowly then a bit of the mania, so I decided to find a doctor that would help me deal with the symptoms with vitamins, minerals, herbs. That search was difficult. I finally found an ARNP that focuses on functional medicine. While she helps to guide me, I’ve had to dig to find the research, and to piece it all together the best I can. I had the pleasure of meeting your Dad at the conference in Tampa. It sounds like he eagerly wants to help you. Other than God and my supportive husband, I’ve been alone in my quest. Take advantage of your father’s knowledge, while taking ownership of your life. Recognize that you don’t need to ride the waves. You can rise above them or wait for the storm to pass. It’s been vital for me to understand my own body so that I can recognize the warning signs before it’s too late. The persistent fear that I’ll lose control has waned because it’s been 5 years living without meds and 9 years since my full-blown manic episode. It is possible, but you have to WANT it. Sometimes it’s difficult for us to love ourselves and to do it solely for our own well-being. Find purpose in life, and fight this battle to fulfill it!
    All the best,
    AnGela

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